“Decades of research in attachment demonstrate that particularly in times of distress, we need to be near and be soothed by the people who care for us. For decades, parents have opted for time-outs over its punitive cousin, spanking – believing that because time out doesn’t inflict physical harm, it doesn’t cause any harm. The latest research tells us that children learn best when they have a secure emotional connection with the parent. Or, are they thinking how unfair and mean Mom or Dad is for putting them in a corner to start with? More likely the latter, don’t you think? Does time-out support an emotional connection between the child and parent? But what does the child learn in those 5 minutes of silence?Īre they learning other ways to respond? Are they developing new strategies for behavior? Are they thinking about the poor choices they made and what they could do differently? More often than not, time-out is a break – a time when the child is expected to sit quietly while the parent continues their task until the timer goes off. If your child frequently resists going to time-out or throws a huge tantrum over sitting in the corner, you can be sure this is their way of protesting the fairness of the consequence! What does the child learn during the time they are isolated? How does sitting in a corner or time-out chair relate to hitting your brother? Or throwing your food at the dinner table? Or using foul language? In short, it doesn’t. When it comes to time-out, however, the consequence is almost never related to the behavior. they don’t get sweets if they refuse to brush their teeth, or they can’t play with their soccer ball if they kicked it inside the house, etc.). When disciplining your child, it’s important to ensure the consequence is related to their misbehavior (i.e. Does the time-out have any direct relation to the behavior?Ĭhildren see the world in black and white – they want things to feel fair and consistent.

And while we can appreciate a lot of what the 50s brought us, our world is very different, and the way we communicate, behave, connect, and respond as human beings is very different as well.īut secondly, and perhaps more convincingly, let’s consider how time-out is used by examining a few questions. The concept of time-out as a discipline technique dates back to 1958. There are many reasons time-outs don’t work for the long haul. Why Are Time-Outs An Ineffective Long-Term Solution? But, as I found the tool to be increasingly ineffective in my home, I knew I needed other tactics. I, too, was once a time-out queen myself. If you are a proponent of time-out, this is not a finger-waving post of judgment, I promise. Sure, a time-out might curb behavior in the moment, but it doesn’t promote our long-term goal of raising emotionally stable, resilient, and empathetic children. When we take a short-sighted approach to discipline, we leave the door open for long-term problems. After all, we are running a marathon, aren’t we? While well-meaning parents have used time-out as an alternative to more punitive methods like spanking, it doesn’t seem to reap the long-term benefits we hope for. Or, in other cases, getting the child to go to time-out isn’t necessarily a battle, but the child continues to misbehave once their time in the corner is finished. But, every time YOU try to send your child to time-out, the 5-minute time-out turns into a 30-minute throwdown of epic proportions.įor most parents, using time-out to “teach kids a lesson” often increases the power struggle and ends in frustration, anger, and fails to achieve the desired outcome.

Your pediatrician recommended it, your friends swear by it, and your child’s preschool uses it incessantly. Time-Out: Do Time-Outs Really Work? Problems with Time-Out (And What to do Instead)

7 steps of a good time out